We are drawn to people who possess qualities we admire.
When we see these qualities in others, our own inner compass responds - we begin to align with our true self.
Equally we are not drawn to people who's qualities we don't admire. Often when this happens, we are discovering a shadow part of ourselves that needs unravelling.
Take a moment to think about someone you admire. What qualities do you prize in them? Below the surface of physical attributes or possessions, which traits do you praise? Do you admire, courage, loyalty, creativity? Do you honour their compassion, or truthfulness?
As you're thinking about this person now, does your heart feel warm?
Your heart warms because these traits are inside of you too.
It's a challenge to appreciate a trait unless you have experienced it too.
In order to value loyalty, you must know what loyalty is. You must sense what it means to be dependable, steady, faithful, dedicated and you also know the pain of disloyalty.
You possess the possibility for a host of attributes or characteristics. When you see them in others, your heart lights up. When you yourself act in accordance with these qualities, you feel a sense of well-being, things feels aligned. You are acting with integrity. The qualities that you are demonstrating are the standards that are most important to you, the standards that express who you are.
Using the word Integrity simply defines "whole and complete, intact".
When you discover your Standards of Integrity you will begin to build a confident foundation of your own standards and begin to see them in others too.
This process will ask about 40 minutes of your time, which you can split into two x 20 minute sessions. This needs quiet time, so make sure you're not disturbed, get still and contemplative.
1. Take a clean page and on the left side list all the people who have qualities you admire. Write their names, using the check list below to spur your memory. Take your time and reach back into the past. the list of possibilities include:-
2. Survey down your list. Look at each name, starting with the first and working down. On the right side of the paper record the quality or trait you admire about that person. A quality is something that inspires you, such as loyal, intelligent, adventurous, courageous, creative, truthful etc.
Some of the attributes will be shared, but write them out again.
The list will be as long or as short as you like - there's no race to have the longest list, this is your own barometer.
3. When you have finished allocating qualities and traits to your list. Write all the qualities and traits down on a new page. If there are more than one, use Tick Marks next to it, to highlight where this has been noticed many times.
4. Now lets revisit this list. Take a new page and starting from the top, look at each trait. Spend a few moments contemplating each attribute. Ask yourself:-
Repeat this process until you have contemplated each word on your original list. You may find you have transferred all of them, or just a few. Quantity is not important, What matters is you will begin to see what touches you and makes you feel in alignment. If one or two other qualities occur at this point, write them down as well.
5. Take the new list and place it in front of you. Each trait has significant and meaning for you. Write them out on a small card (say 3 x 5 inch) and write at the top: "These are my Standards of Integrity" and write at the bottom " I know these are mine because I see them in others."
Keep this card with you and look at it often during this coming week.
What you have before you is a blueprint for your own personal power. You possess these qualities you listed, they are part of your nature.
You might want to share these standards with someone else who has done this exercise, or perhaps a close friend. Often it can be done together and you can gain some profound insights and understandings.
If you read over your Standards of Integrity, you really are describing your authentic nature. After a week of reading it daily to yourself, turn to your journal to see how this exercise has made you feel.
Record your observations about yourself in your journal. Work with them and see how you can let them in a little closer.
This is an adapted exercise taken from The Energy of Money by Maria Nemeth Phd
Spring is a wonderful time to create new daily habits.
Habits that make you feel great.
Let's plant the seed and just look at 4 simple habits for spring that may inspire you.
Perhaps you can think of more for yourself but maybe these resonate with you?
1. All things have a place
It is true that all things have a place and picking things up does make us feel better and creates a good feeling around our environment. Is there somewhere in your home that you feel needs a daily habit?
Perhaps a plate for your keys where you know you'll always find them because this is where you always put them.
Hoovering every day may not be something that makes you dance a jig but clearing the space can be a great habit to form, as it putting clothes away every day after the washing has dried, or emptying the dishwasher, or setting a breakfast tray for the morning.
2. Choose Gratitude
You may think that 'Gratitude' is a buzz word and very popular, but it can change perspective quite quickly. If you're feeling out of sorts by a friend, colleague, or family member, one thing that can help is to sit down and make a list of everything that you appreciate about that person. You can then revisit that list whenever you need to.
At the end of every day, write down 5 things that you have been grateful for that day. This can be that the sun was shining, or the baby smiled at you in the supermarket, or your dog curled up close, or your cat purring on your heart, or your partner cooked dinner. You'll be pleasantly surprised. Find yourself a little notebook and keep it by your bedside.
3. Feed the water within.
We know the benefits of drinking water, and approx 70% of you is made up of water. Therefore your body needs to drink it, but it also loves to bathe in it or feel it in the shower.
The best habits are to shower daily, or even better, to bathe, create a practice around this and you will reap the benefits. Drinking 8 glasses of water a day is a great way to fuel your body, as when we're dehydrated we can feel hungry, tired, and very irritable. So always drink water before making a decision.
4. Plan Your Days
You may think only people who are successful plan their days - well, it's a great habit to begin and it's available for everyone.
Scheduling all aspects of your life into your diary, or your smart phone, will help you spend your time wisely but also factor in self care, which is HUGE for counsellors in training and qualified counsellors, plus anyone in the helping/healing/customer service professions.
We often forget ourselves, so scheduling and getting into a habit of looking at calendars and writing a to do list before bed so that you know what you need to do the following day. You can sleep without it going over and over in your mind.