Dearest She

I have been writing to you since you passed, picking up a pen to write is my go-to because I know we shared a love of writing and the written word.   I feel close to you when I'm writing you letters.

Are you near?

I hope and pray that you're now running, skipping and dancing free, just like the 7 year old ballerina in the DVD from 1942. 

I am so very heart broken that you're no longer here physically - devastated - I know how tired your physical body was and it just couldn't go on.  

I was singing the other day to Edelweiss on the radio, we loved singing together and especially those harmonies as we did the washing up..

I want to curl up and hide away but right now I'm needed here, I'm tired and need to rest.

It's Poetry Group tonight, the title you all chose back in August is still Somewhere Else, it seems so fitting now. 

We are all reconnecting around your table, to honour you.  I had planned to join the poetry clan anyway when I returned, now I'm sitting in your chair. 

I hope I'll be okay. 

I have found the beginning of your poem that you began in August, after the last session.  Who knew you wouldn't be there, things took a turn for the worst and here we are, without you. 

I have also written my poem.

I do hope you are listening.

I bought biscuits.

Dear She

It was a lovely night, everyone was so kind and pleased to be back, celebrating you.  

We talked of you and they shared their stories.

Stories are everything.

Memories are what I crave.

They shared their own poems, of Somewhere Else, and also Poems written about you.

How wonderful these words were, you would have been so humbled, tears would have fallen, just as they did for me.

I hope you know you are and were, incredibly loved by all people you came into contact. 

I hope you hear.

Love your Jules x

It has been a long time since I sat down and wrote a blog.  All of this is becoming clearer to me these past two days. 

For the past 6 years I have been struggling to find my way to write my 'back to health' story of when I was ill in my 20s with M.E, that debilitating health problem that floored me.  I have fleshed out the content, I knew exactly what this would be but... something was holding me back.  I ran a few online programmes called ReBalance Me, I began a ReBalance Me Club for people and then I suddenly found myself, slam dunk, right in the middle of something, I felt I was treading through mud.  I didn't know what it was.  

Then I began to peel back layers and recognised, I was peri menopausal moving into menopause.

My counselling practice sees me supporting many women to rebalance their lives, women who are going through many emotional symptoms, as well as physical (the emotional aren't really talked about). 

Fast forward to July 2018, and as I started my 50th year. 

Bam.

Guess what .... I realised that I too am now one of those women.   

I am in this phase. I am in the change.  I have known this for about 4-5 years and it has steadily got more and more challenging. Worse.

Do I recognise this current Julia?  Well, I see snippets of her, but really she's changing.   

Then, out on a walk with my Jacks, I realise that I need to truly reconnect with my own ReBalanceMe 7Ways , the one that I wrote many moons ago, and have amended for the last 2.  The one that I support and guide other women to look at. 

Mmm..... time to listen to my own guidance.
 
In my research and experience, I hear mostly about physical symptoms of peri and meno, but what isn't discussed much, is the feeling of "change."  Self esteem, confidence, desire, low mood, high mood, anxiety, all these hormonal fluctuations that make dealing with all of this, every day, so, so difficult. On top of that we are dealing with the life changes that occur when you're mid to late 40s, through 50s.

My intention now for this space is for you to feel calm, soothed, inspired, less stressed and anxious. I'll share with you my 7 Ways to Wellness that I write about in ReBalanceMe, with the main thread that I am going to be following this too.   I want you you take back the reigns and discover your own 7ways toolkit. I'm going to continue my research and talk to people about all of this, ultimately in talking about it with other holistic experts, I will share this via my vlog.